Chasing Away the Boogey Bears

It is the deepest corner of the night. The only sound is the gentle click of the air conditioner as it struggles to compete with the late July coastal heat.  My eyes pop open as remnants of a pleasant dream evaporate before I can recall the subject.  I know what time it is as I try to focus my contact-free eyes on the bedside clock, thankful that the dial is illuminated and huge. 

It is 3:15 am and I am, once again, hunting Boogey Bears.

Like Goldilocks, I have Big Bears, Medium Bears and Baby Bears.  Hers are fairy-tale cute; mine are big, black and scary. 

I click off a quick inventory of those I hold dear – husband, Dennis, snoring lightly beside me; son, Drew, in the next room sleeping the teenager sleep that will last at least another nine hours; mother at home with my brother and his family visiting from south Mississippi; and my other two children – niece, April, at home with her family and nephew, Brandon, working a summer job and house-sitting at our house.

Two or three nights a week for the past several years at precisely 3:15 am when the world is at its most peaceful, I am suddenly jerked from a deep slumber as my mind comes alive with worries, fears and personal Boogey Bears.  Even a wonderful beach vacation – such as the one we are enjoying this week – does not keep the Boogey Bears at bay.  Worry, doubt, fear – those things do not take a vacation.

I slip quietly out of bed so as not to disturb my astonishingly worry-free husband.  Without turning on a light, I find my way through the unfamiliar vacation condo to my favorite place.  Sliding the cool glass balcony door open, I immediately hear the gentle waves of the ocean splashing against the shoreline like a love song.   Finally tamed after three days of stormy weather, the sea seems to share my emotions.  Calm, but reflective.  Peaceful, but waiting for the next storm to come.

I am a worry wart by nature.  My daddy used to say that if I couldn’t find something to worry about, I would worry about not having something to worry about. 

I think about the Big Bears – Will my child make the right decisions in his life?  Will he find something he loves to do?  Will he find a Christian girl and have a happy family life?  Is my mother okay after losing the love of her life, my dad, six months ago?  Is my husband’s health good?   Are we financially prepared for Drew’s education?  Is he emotionally prepared for college?   How can I help April as she struggles through nursing school?  Should Brandon go ahead and get his masters now or work a while and go back? 

The Medium Bears:  Am I doing the best I can do at a job I love?  Should we continue with the antique store that my dad loved?  How am I going to reach my sales goal next month with the congress acting so crazy? 

The Baby Bears:  Weight Watchers or Diet Center?  Is that new skin care regiment working for me?  Where did that wrinkle come from?  Can I find my treadmill under all those clothes?  We all need to eat better….did I remember to get ice cream at the grocery yesterday?

My mind whirls with thoughts and plans and decisions.  I pride myself on being a “take control” kind of gal.  My dad told me many years ago that I could do anything I put my mine to – and I believed him.  But, in the wee hours of the morning when even the sun is sleeping peacefully, I’m chasing Boogey Bears disguised as fear, doubt, dread, regret.  I am faced again with the fact that my greatest strength – my strong, self sufficient personality – is also my greatest weakness.  So often I am so determined to need no one that I forget that THE ONE is the only way to chase the Boogey Bears away.  I can handle this one, Lord, I often think.  I’ll just wait to call on You when I make a real mess of things and get really desperate, I tell Him.

I remind myself of my favorite Bible verse:  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

As someone in the home building business, I can also relate to this one:  “…He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.”  (Luke 6:48)

Jesus did not say, hey, build a good house on a firm foundation and it will never flood or burn or have plumbing problems.  We all have worries and problems and tragedy in our lives.   He did not say that we should take care of ourselves and just bother him when the big bears come out.  But, he did say that if we have our foundation built on Him, we don’t have to fear the Boogey Bears.  It is truly not the bad stuff that happens in our lives that matters – because bad stuff does happen.  It is how we deal with the big bad bears that matters.  Do we attempt to handle the bears all on our own or do we trust God’s plan for our lives and have faith in him?

I think of the equation that my GA teacher at the First Baptist Church in Senatobia used to tell us:  Fear + Trust = Faith.  

 I remind myself (Again!!) of His promises.  Alas, I am simply and utterly human. 

Gulping a big lungful of the cool, salty morning air, I take one final look into the ocean’s depths and slip back into my warm and peaceful bed assured that, for tonight, the Boogey Bears have been pushed back into their cages and I am safe.

Early Mornings with the Ocean

The ocean seems a little angry today.  This part of the gulf coast at Gulf Shores, Alabama, known as the “Emerald Coast,” is anything but jeweled this morning.  Heavy, gray clouds crouch just beyond reach at water’s edge, like vast, misty doors opening into another world.  I can understand why early explorers were afraid to venture toward the clouds for fear of dropping off the face of the earth.  The water goes on forever.

Foamy, white waves are slapping the sand, reaching deep onto the beach, then rolling slowly back into itself, taking tiny bits of the earth with it, only to return with treasures both God-made and man-made. 

On Day Four of our beach vacation, the ocean is yelling its secrets to me rather than the soft whisper of the waves that I dream of during the cold, winter months at home.  As I perch on the balcony of our sixth floor vacation home, coffee cup in hand, I am still a bit sleepy after a restless, stormy night seaside, but anxious to savor the quiet morning time with one of God’s most beautiful creations.  The ocean has many faces – tranquil, powerful, fearsome, healing, calm, beautiful, and mighty.    I want to see them all.

We city folks spend thousands of dollars to leave our asphalt and concrete lives for a brief love affair with the ocean.  Some of us timidly stick a toe into the very edge of it while others boldly dive into the cool depths of it.  We hear the sirens of the sea; taste the saltiness of it as it splashes our faces like the fat tears of the broken-hearted.

From my concrete perch above the palm trees, I can see a family - mother, father, sister and baby brother – all dressed in white, posing for the camera, a permanent reminder of a family beach vacation.  Their whiteness - bleached t-shirts and white shorts for the boys; flowing linen dresses for the girls – turns the naturally white sandy beach into a smooth, beige backdrop, much like a perfect white pearl hidden in an ancient oyster shell.

From the un-naturally green patch of sod below my balcony, I hear the mantra of the spirituality seekers performing seemingly impossible Yoga stances, quietly, frantically searching for peace and tranquility while I sit gazing out into God’s masterpiece and finding it there.

Early morning, while my family is still sleeping the sleep of vacation, is my favorite time of the day; the reason I love time away from my busy life.  This is not just a time of relaxation, but also a time of reconnection and renewal, reminding me once again what is honest, true and real.

I could sit here forever – seeing, tasting, smelling, hearing…….believing.  I hear one bedroom door opening, then another.  Water running, refrigerator opening, the eternal sound of the television comes on – another busy day begins.  But, I have three more mornings to share secrets with the sea, and I’ll be here bright and early because I don’t want to miss a thing.