Monday, April 30, 2012

I Believe....What Do You Believe?



I Believe....
That just because two people argue, that doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, that doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

 
I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe....
That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.
I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them...and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become. 
I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you...you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon..I miss my daddy and  my mama everyday
I Believe...
That small town living is the fastest way to a big heart
I Believe....
That children do what they see and not what they are told
I Believe...
That true love is forever....

What do you believe?
   

Friday, April 20, 2012

Millennials Make My Generation Gap Show


I have been doing a lot of thinking about the Millennials, and I have to say, I’m seriously worried about them. 
There are more than 80 million of those little critters walking around our country – and a fresh new crop is about to graduate from college and enter the job market.   As a sales manager, I have interviewed several Millennials.  And, I’m here to tell you, it ain’t pretty.
Millennials – those privileged children of the 1980’s and 1990’s,  raised by doting parents, played on t-ball teams with no losers, taught with positive feedback and could text before they could talk.

Armed with an iPod, iPad, and iPhone, they come flip-flopping into my office with a brand new real estate license - Donald Trump wannabes who expect to start at the top while working their schedule around their Zumba classes.  These kids have visited several different countries by the time they are 20; have climbed mountains, can speak several languages, can completely reprogram a computer and they can look you in the eye and talk to you while carrying on a text “conversation” with a buddy.  They come for an interview on Monday and expect to be the CEO of the company by Friday.  They have never lost at anything and expect to automatically win everything – and get heaps of praise for showing up along the way.  They express themselves in a very different way.

Once I interviewed a young lady who had such a large tongue piercing that I could not really concentrate on what she was saying for looking at the beach ball on her tongue.  I was just trying to figure out how the world she let someone put a needle through her tongue and plant a silver ball on it.  Before letting her go, I had to ask her, “Doesn’t that big ball in your mouth bother you?”
“Not really,” she said.  “I can always take it out if it bothers you.”

Heck, I was even more afraid of what the HOLE that thing went through would look like.

A nice looking young man came in once to interview for a sales job.  Nice, clean cut, conservative looking.  Until I noticed the snakes coming down his arm and out his sleeve.  Tattoos of all kinds of critters peeked out of every opening of his clothing.  If he wore very long sleeved shirts, long pants with socks, buttoned his top button and wore a scarf to cover his neck, he would have been okay.  But, he would only be able to work winters; he would have burned plum up selling houses in the summer time.

During interviews, I have seen belly buttons, booty cracks, and piercings of all kinds, bare feet, toe rings, black nail polish and gold teeth.  Seriously, the young people today can do all kinds of i-things --  all things technical – but they never have had to show up on time or stay with a difficult task or work to someone else’s satisfaction.  They never mowed grass or babysat or delivered pizza --- that type of summer work doesn’t get you into a big deal college or look too good on a polished resume.   

After much thought, I have figured out what is wrong with the Children of the 80’s and 90’s.  They were never allowed to get dirty. 

These children of the Children of the 1960’s were made to wear shoes, sanitize their hands, and stay out of mud puddles.  They were slathered in sun screen, wore undershirts and gloves in the winter.  I’ll bet these young people never drank from a water hose in the middle of a hot July day or slept in the back yard with a blanket and flashlight watching for falling stars.  I’m sure they never caught lightning bugs in a mason jar or made clover necklaces or begged their dads for a dime for an orange cream push-up from the Merry-Mobile.  I’ll bet they never double-dog-dared each other to play chicken on their bikes, racing toward each other until one chickened out by swerving out of the way first.  How can anyone learn to improvise without first playing Barbies or GI Joe all afternoon under the carport with match box furniture and Cracker Jack prize accessories?  And, how can you learn to trust anyone unless they cross their hearts and hope to die, stick a needle in their eye?  When all of us over the age of 45 were rearing our children, we wanted better lives for them than we had ourselves...we thought.

Sure, the Millennials are the most tech savvy generation in history and they are also the most politically progressive.  They are the first generation in human history who regards behaviors like tweeting and texting, along with websites like Facebook, YouTube, Google and Wikipedia, not as astonishing innovations of the digital era, but as everyday parts of their social lives and their search for understanding.  And, it is estimated that within six years, this generation will comprise more than 50 percent of the workforce. 

But, still……I think there is a little something missing with this group.

Getting dog tired and dirty is the best thing that can happen to a kid.  I know.  I grew up in the 1960’s with a gang of dirty kids on Camille Street in Senatobia, MS – a kid’s paradise filled with kids, dogs, cats, hollering mamas and working dads.

When summer vacation started in May, we kicked off our shoes and pretty much never put them back on until after Labor Day, when school started back.  Summer days were endless – the only time we came into the house was to eat and sleep – and many times we ate lunch outside under the tree.  When it started getting dark, carport lights came on, signaling for us to come in and take our baths.  We took a bath every night, not because you are supposed to take a bath daily, but because if we didn’t, we would get our mama’s bed sheets dirty.

Once Olan Mills came to the Senatobia Community Center to take family portraits.  We had to get dressed up in our Sunday clothes to go get our picture made.  The photographer lined all four of us Hudspeth children on a long bench – starting with me, the oldest, and going down to my baby brother, Jeff.  My sister and I had on dresses and my brothers had mama-spit, licked back hair and their shirt tails tucked in.  Just as the flash bulb was about to flash, I looked down and saw 40 dirty little toes dangling from the bench.  The photographer told my mama the picture would only show from the waist up.  No sense in messing with shoes if you didn’t have to, my mama figured.

Playing outside with no gadgets or electronics teaches valuable life lessons.  We learned diplomacy, loyalty, negotiation skills, ethics, and the value of being tenacious.  We had to learn to get along with each other because there was nobody else to play with.  Our mamas didn’t haul us across town for a “play date.”  We fussed and fought and made up.  Sometimes two or three of us would gang up on one or two of the others.  We’d make dirt bombs and send them flying across the yards, smacking each other on top of the head with the dried mud, careful not to hit the wood siding on each other’s houses because we knew eventually we would just have to go clean it off.  In the end, we made up and started all over the next day.
We learned to love and care for each other.

Once our friend, Ricky, was sick and it was also his birthday.  So, Charlotte and I made a big chocolate birthday/get well cake for him.  A mud pie, if you will.  It took us hours to find rocks small enough to substitute for pecans.   I had to sneak into the bathroom and steal my daddy’s shaving cream for the frosting.  It was a masterpiece of a cake.  We proudly marched across the street and knocked on Ricky’s back door to give him the magnificent cake.  Mrs. Earlene, Ricky’s mom, answered the door.

“Hey, Mrs. Earlene.  We made this cake for Ricky cause it’s his birthday and he is sick.”

“That is so sweet, girls,” Ricky’s mom said to the dirty little grinning faces knocking on her door in the middle of General Hospital.  “He will just love it and it will make him feel better.”

Now, Miss Earlene could have said, “You are not going to bring that mud into my house.  Where are your shoes?  Let me get some sanitizer to clean those dirty little hands.  Oh my gosh, you girls are getting sunburned!  Let me give you some sunscreen.”   But, she didn’t because we were one of her kids and she knew we meant well.  Ricky’s mom – just like all of our mothers – scolded all of us, loved all of us, was proud of all of us.  She could hug us or swat us.  On Camille Street, we shared bikes, mud pies, dogs, cookies, skate boards, footballs, Barbie dolls, and mamas.  And, a whole lot of dirt.

I have come a long way since the Camille Street days.  I wear shoes every single day and I have a bottle of sanitizer on my desk right now.  I know I came into the work force many years ago with street smarts and little else.  And, I know that I have been blessed to have several wonderful mentors along the way.

Steve Ballard, CEO of Hernando Bank, who plucked me from a fledgling newspaper career and gave me a job as Vice President of Public Relations and Marketing when I was in my 20’s and knew absolutely nothing about public relations or marketing - opened the first door to my career for me.    He often said, “Ok, kiddo, this is what we’re going to do.”  Then he would brainstorm with me to come up with solutions to problems.  Within a year, I was “presenting” those solutions to the bank’s Board of Directors – one of whom was Jon Reeves, co-founder of Reeves Williams, the largest home builder in the Mid-South at the time – and with whom I spent the next 18 years honing my marketing skills in the home building industry.  Mr. Reeves taught me that it was possible to work hard and succeed and have a happy and fun life.  I never met a man who loves his family more than Jon Reeves.  He has been a tremendous blessing in my life.
Judy Beard, my oldest and dearest friend, told me when I was 22 years old – dress for the job you want to have, not for the one you have right now.    She sent me off to my first real job with two skirts, two jackets, and two blouses – all that could coordinate to make several different professional outfits.  She continues to be a huge influence on my life today.

Many people looked at this little old small town girl with a pretty serious southern drawl and Mississippi mud permanently imbedded into the bottom of my feet--- and gave me a chance.  They looked past the quirky personality, firstborn child know-it-all attitude, and social ignorance and saw ….me.
I’m thinking about this when I stumbled upon an interesting Bible Verse:

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity and dignity.  Titus 2:7
I look at my latest resume, the one from the young man who told me he was looking for something to do until times get better and thought he might just try the real estate business.  I choose to look past his sandals and long hair and I remember his confident attitude, his curious nature, his amazing computer skills and I decide to give him a chance.   As Steve Ballard told me many times, “What goes around, comes around.” 

I pick up the phone and call his cell number.  “Kiddo,” I say, “This is what we’re going to do.”
It’s payback time.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Grandfather Teaches a Lesson About Time


My grandfather stands, handsome and stoic, counting the hours, minutes, seconds of my life. 

At almost eight feet tall, he sits slap dab in the middle of the long hallway that dissects the front part of my southern home and the rear.  His handsome face – the face of Father Time – is encircled by a hand-painted moon dial featuring the seasons of the year.  Spring.  Summer. Autumn. Winter.   He is forever watchful as my family gathers in the great room in the evening and as we hurry past him in the morning, rushing to leave for the day.  Often as I pass, my hand reaches out to touch him affectionately, absentmindedly, feeling the cool, smooth grain of his buffed mahogany case.  

For the past ten years, Grandfather has told me when it is time to get up and when it is time to go to bed.  His melodious chimes have been the backdrop for all of our holiday celebrations and his long, slender hands have officially announced the arrival of the New Year for the past decade.    I have wearily listened to his lonely calling of the early morning hours during sleepless, worry-filled nights and anxiously counted down the hours with him as I waited for my son to get home after a long trip.  

Loudly and with purpose, Grandfather has warned me through the years that time flies out of my hands like sand blowing on a deserted beach. 
Suddenly, last summer, my grandfather clock fell silent.  He no longer reminds me when it is time to leave for my hour-long commute to work or when it is time for my family to arrive for a holiday dinner.  I cannot lie awake at night listening for time and am no longer comforted by his chiming voice. 

At first I thought I could fix him.  I tinkered with his innards and pushed around some of his parts, but he refused to speak to me.  I catch myself whispering to him as I pass by, asking him to please come back to me.  I miss his sweet music and I miss having time fill my home with ticks and tocks, music and chimes.

Not having my old clock to announce that I am running late or that deadlines are near or that the day is coming to an end, has made me re-evaluate how I spend my time.  I’ve found that I am a very poor steward of time.

I have been so very blessed in my life, but I’m not so sure I have taken the time to enjoy the blessings.  Days turn into weeks that turn into months and before I know it, a year has passed.  My son was born, started walking, went to school, learned to love music, started college….and I was present for all those events.  At least in body.  I’m pretty sure my mind was thinking about the next meeting or what to feed the people coming to my house after the event or how I was going to manage getting from place to place on time. And, I am positive I never took the time to savor the small things. 

We live in a 24/7 society with instant messaging, instant coffee, instant meals and instant replays.  

Like so many others, I spent the first half of my life reaching for the stars.  More money.  Bigger house.  Faster car.  Better title.  Today, I would give a year’s salary or more just to spend one more day with my daddy.

Live and learn, an old adage that is so very true.  The Bible says, “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)   I have made more money; have a bigger house; driven a faster car and have a nice title following my name.  Today, I want more wisdom, more quiet time, and a bigger heart for Jesus. There simply is not enough time in our lives to do all the things our heart desires.  It doesn’t matter how much time we have; it matters what we do with that time.

A dear friend gave me the book, “The Knowledge of the Holy” by A. W. Tozer and it has become daily required reading for me.  I love this quote from Tozer:
“The days of the years of our lives are few, and swifter than a weaver’s shuttle.  Life is a short and fevered rehearsal for a concert we cannot stay to give.  Just when we appear to have attained some proficiency we are forced to lay our instruments down.  There is simply not time enough to think, to become, and to perform what the constitution of our nature indicates we are capable of.”

He continues, “How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none.  Eternal years lie in His heart.  For Him, time does not pass, it remains; and those who are in Christ share with Him all the riches of limitless time and endless years.”

Because time is such a precious and priceless gift, we should manage it very well and strive to be good stewards of our time.   I guess it took the silence of my grandfather clock to remind me to seek silence and peace in my life.

To stop.  To listen.  To be grateful.

Very early Saturday morning I was alone having coffee in my kitchen. My house was quiet and still; everyone else still asleep.  No radios or televisions or cell phones.  Just me and my dog, Zeke.  As I sat there, I realized that I was hearing music from somewhere.  Very faintly, I could hear a melody of some kind.  I wandered out of the kitchen and stood in the middle of the house trying to determine where the lovely sound was coming from.  As I neared my Grandfather clock, I stopped.  I laid my head against his wooden case and listened.  Sure enough, I could hear his chimes.  He had not stopped speaking to me at all.  He was just whispering and I had not been still or quiet enough to hear him.  If I leaned my ear against his wooden chest and listened carefully, I could hear his Westminister chimes clearly, followed by his Big Ben dong striking the 6 am hour.

I stopped.  I listened.  I am grateful.

Monday, March 5, 2012

My Sister's Love Story


Most of my memories are big, loud, elaborate affairs that come barreling across my mind like a loaded dump truck on a gravel road.  But, there is a memory that flutters into my senses so softly, so quietly, I’m not sure if it is real or a wonderful dream.  Such memories are as sweet and comforting as Blackburn Syrup on a hot buttered biscuit in the dead of winter. 

On a cool, clear morning in the summer of 1997, I got a glimpse into the heart of my sister.  It is a memory that comes back to me often.  Like an old reel-to-reel tape player, I replay the scene in my mind over and over, as if savoring each second will keep it tattooed onto my heart forever.

I wake up slowly, rising up through the layers of sleep like a scuba diver coming up for air.  With no blasting alarm clock or whining dog waiting to be taken out for a morning walk, I take the leisurely route to waking up that is reserved only for vacation mornings. The early morning sunlight is dancing across the heavy quilt that is appreciated on a cool mountain night but kicked to the bottom of the bed at the first hint of a summer morning.  I lay there thinking that I am the only one of our vacation party awake at such an early hour until I smell the heavenly aroma of coffee brewing in the kitchen of our Smokey Mountain cabin.  I quietly roll off the very edge of the bed and reach back to cover up my three year old son who is spread across the bed, arms thrown up over his head, legs sprayed across most of the bed, as wide open to the world in sleep as he is fully awake.  He always starts out as a big boy sleeping in his own bed, but ends up “sharing” mom and dad’s bed, forcing both of his parents to opposite edges of the mattress.  Dennis and I have learned to sleep perched on the edge of the bed like old hoot owls clinging to the tip of a branch.  I look at Drew, my precious son, in his Buzz Lightyear PJ’s, his light brown hair going this way and that, his soft, sweet baby breath whistling through his slightly stuffy nose and I marvel, once again, on how I could be so very blessed.

It was the summer of 1997 and my sister, Gail, asked us to join her family on a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee.  We had never vacationed together before, so we were both eager to spend that time together with our families.  My baby sister and I had not always been best of friends.  As the oldest child of four children, I always thought it my responsibility to “take care” of my siblings – which often resulted in me being the bossy and opinionated big sister.  When we reached our teens, Gail decided that she did not appreciate her sister telling her every move to make.  We were very close to the same age, but we could not have been more different.   While I was serious, studious, obedient and a book worm, Gail was outgoing, rebellious and, let’s face it, a lot more fun than her older sister.  I wanted to become an award- winning writer, work for a big-city newspaper, make millions of dollars and get as far away from my little hometown of Senatobia, Mississippi as possible.  Gail wanted a family, a nice little home in Senatobia, maybe a part-time job as her children got older.  She wanted a yard full of flowers, Saturday night steak dinners and the PTA.  Most of all, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with the man of her dreams.  She eventually achieved all those goals.

During our 20’s and 30’s, while I was climbing the corporate ladder, driving cool cars and wearing designer clothes, my sister was having her babies, buying her first home and taking care of her family.  She married her high school sweetheart within two weeks of graduating from high school and had her first child a couple of years later.

She and I stayed in touch but really did not have much in common during those years.  I was too busy with work and she was busy with her husband and children.

In 1992, at the age of 35, I was pregnant with my first child.  By then, Gail was an old pro at all things motherly and I soon learned that my sister was the smartest person I knew.  For nine months, I called her every single week to ask her about the weird things going on with my body.  She laughed at me, but was very patient and understanding about my hysteria.  Once when someone hurt my feelings during an unusually hormonal day, she sat with me in my mother’s tiny bathroom - me on the toilet and her on the side of the tub – for over an hour until my hiccuping tears finally dried.

After Drew was born, Gail became my own personal Dr. Spock.  I called her every day to get her advice about something – was Drew going to the bathroom too much or not enough?  Should I feed him rice cereal now or wait until the books said to do it?  Shouldn’t he have teeth by now?

“Is nine months too early for Drew to walk?” I once asked her.
“If you saw him walking, it must not be,” she quipped.  

Drew’s first birthday party was at Gail’s little ranch style house in Senatobia.  She made hamburgers and hot dogs and she let Drew put his hands all in his cake and make a big mess.  My sister loved my child about as much as she loved her own.  Her house was filled with kids, dogs, food and love.  It was just her nature.  It was who she was.  I was just figuring that out.  She had known it all along.

So, in June of 1997, we loaded up a small convoy of kids and food and headed to the mountains for our first ever vacation together.  It was a week of adventure, laughter, and family time.  We sat in chairs on the cabin’s large deck and talked about our childhood, enjoying the amazing views, mountain air and each other. 

On this special vacation morning, I tip-toe out of the second story bedroom of the mountain-side cabin, to have coffee with my sister before the rest of our group got up.   I close the bedroom door as quietly as possible and peek over the balcony into the kitchen below.  I see my sister standing at the kitchen counter in her husband’s extra-large t-shirt, her curly blond hair making a halo above her tiny face.  Just as I am about to whisper good morning, I see her husband come into the kitchen and slip his arms around her.  Standing just under 5 feet, my little sister nearly disappears into her husband’s embrace as she turns her head around and up to give him a kiss.  Like teenagers in love, they are giggling and whispering and stealing kisses like there is no one else in the world.  At that moment, I think of when they were dating.  She was still in high school and he had a job working until 10 pm.  He would come by our house and blow his car horn – once for “Hello” and three times for “I love you.”  A few minutes later I would hear the phone in our bedroom ring – actually, half a ring so it would not wake up our parents - and she would take the phone under the bed covers and whisper and giggle with him for hours.

I smile and quietly slip back into my bedroom and never let them know that I have seen this amazing testimony to true love and devotion.  I am so very blessed to have witnessed this moment; a few seconds that become more and more precious to me as the years go by.

That fall, I unexpectedly lost my little sister to a heart attack.  Looking back, I now know that brief look into my sister’s life was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.  God opened the blinds and allowed me to see inside the heart of my sister.  On an early morning, in a little log cabin on the side of a mountain, I witnessed the love story that was my sister’s life.  Not a fairy tale, mind you, but a real life filled with hard times and disappointments, triumphs and victories.  Children, a mortgage, car payments, disagreements.  A yard filled with flowers and Saturday night dinner dates and pre-dawn rendezvous in the kitchen.  Laughter and hugs and kisses.  

A life that was way too short, but filled to the brim with love.

Always love.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

John, Jr. Leaves a Hole in the Heart of the Camille Street Gang

 In 1967, when I was 10 and he was 15, John Jr. was the closest thing to a BIG MAN ON CAMPUS that we had on Camille Street.
Camille Street in Senatobia, Mississippi – Hometown USA.  A whole passel of kids ranging in age from six to fifteen growing up in the 1960’s in a small town in the deep South.  Possibly the last generation of totally innocent children who played outside, had a mother who worked at home, went to church on Sundays, and got our behinds whipped when we disobeyed.  We played in each others' yards; ate fried Spam sandwiches at each others' tables; and dreamed big dreams together.  We are lifelong friends, just like family.  No amount of time or distance changes that kind of kinship. 
This week we lost one of our family members, leaving a hole in our hearts.
John Jr. was in the top echelon of the Camille Street gang.  He was the elder statesman of the neighborhood who pretty much ignored the rest of us.   Oh, occasionally he would slap his little brother, Mike, across the head and make him cry or make fun of his sister, Charlotte, just to get her to yell for her mom.  Mostly, he worked on his old 55 Chevy and hung out with his friends.  
 At 15, he was a working man who got up at the crack of dawn every morning to deliver the Memphis newspaper to Senatobians who wanted news and enlightenment.   When Charlotte, Ricky, Kathy, and I were in the elementary school building at Senatobia City Schools, he was on the high school side of the campus.  How we longed to be on the high school side. 
I guess all of us neighborhood girls had a little crush on John Jr.    With his curly brown hair, sparkly eyes and dimples as deep as the Coldwater River, he was cute in a big brother way.  As we got older, Kathy was, by far, the most enamored with John.   With her red hair and fair skin, Kathy lived up to all the legends about red-heads.  She was feisty and full of fire with a quick temper, the face of an angel and a kind heart.  John had a girlfriend in high school – a black-haired beauty, the daughter of a local judge. At that time, Kathy was just a neighborhood friend like the rest of us.  A friend of his little sister. 
As time went by and our group became teenagers, John Jr. became a busy college guy and we rarely saw him.  We moved on to high school life – different friends and boyfriends – and he moved on to college life.    I saw John when he came home on the weekends and sometimes in the summer time. He was the first one of the Camille Street gang to leave our safe little nest.
In the summer of 1974, something changed.  I started seeing Kathy come across the street to talk to John while he was working on his old Chevy.  Next thing I knew, they were getting married.  Everybody’s big brother from the south side of Camille Street married the red headed, freckle-faced girl-next-door from the north side of Camille.  A perfect union based on a foundation of lifelong friendship.   They built their careers and raised their children in Oxford.  Over the years, they made trips back to see their parents on Camille Street.
This week, I joined Kathy to say goodbye to her husband; Charlotte’s & Mike’s brother; my lifelong friend.  Looking around the room, I saw pictures of John with his kids and grandkids.  His brown curls had turned as silver as moonlight; his eyes sparkling and proud as he posed at his daughter’s wedding.  There was a picture of his old 55 Chevy, still his pride and joy, which sits in a garage in mint condition. And, a shot of him with his first grandchild.   In the pictures, I saw the lifetime of happiness and family that two of my oldest friends shared.
I saw faces from 1967.  Friends and school mates, family and several members of the Camille Street Gang.  My mind was filled with memories that I had not thought of in years.  I was once again reminded  that life is a mere second in time.  Seems like just yesterday, Charlotte, Kathy and I were sitting under the tree in front of Charlotte’s house on a hot July afternoon gossiping about boys, telling secrets and planning big, fancy lives.   Today we gathered for a much different reason - to honor one of our own. 
As I stood with John’s brother, Mike, talking about old times in old places, my eyes were drawn to a young man in the corner.  He had light brown hair and his eyes – even in sadness – were sparkling like a new penny.  He was surveying the room as if looking for someone.
 “Who is that young man,” I asked Mike. 
“That’s Little John,” said Mike. 
Eventually I caught his eye and he smiled at me.  And, I noticed that his dimples were as deep as the Coldwater River. 

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Blue, Blue Christmas

It is Christmas night and my house is finally quiet and still, smells of holiday food still linger in the air and the laughter of my family echoes in my mind.  It has been a very good day, but sometimes sleep plays hide and seek with me during the holidays……so much to do; so many things to remember. Even though it is late and I am bone tired, sleep has gone out to play.   Just as I settle in with a cozy new comforter and a good book, the shiny, shimmering Christmas tree in the corner catches my eye.  I lay my book aside as favorite holiday memories click through my mind like a View Master.  Memories of a blue and silver Christmas.
I remember Christmas 1963.  I was lying in the floor in front of the television watching Mr. Ed (the Christmas episode where Mr. Ed, the talking horse, saves Christmas) waiting on my daddy to get home so that we could go cut down our Christmas tree.  It was our first Christmas in our new house on Camille Street and everything in our house was new – including the RCA color television that my mother repeatedly told me would cause me to go blind if I kept getting too close to it.
My little sister, baby brother and I were really excited about Christmas that year.  My daddy had a good job, we were living in a brand new house and my mama had a new car.  We were living big in our small town of Senatobia, MS. 
The back door opened and in came my daddy, dragging in a big, rectangular box. He lifted me up into his arms and I traced the name embroidered on his work shirt with my finger.  Ernest.  Because of this daily routine, his name was one of the first words I learned to spell.   I loved the smell of my daddy in the winter time – a mixture of Old Spice aftershave, cigarettes and frosty weather.  
Daddy pulled the big box into the living room while my mother,  a 110 pound cleaning machine, was torn between finding out what was in the box and trying to stop whatever mess her husband was about to make.   On the side of the box, in big green letters, was the word EVERGLEAM.
Daddy gently lowered the box to the floor and with his pearl-handled pocket knife, he cut the flaps of the box open so that Mama and I could see the treasure inside.
Mounds of shiny silver – aluminum, to be exact – spilled from the box.   Daddy bought us a 7 ft. tall aluminum Christmas tree – complete with a rotating color wheel that projected colored lights up through the tree from the floor. 
No mess, he explained to my skeptical mother.  No allergy problems for my asthmatic sister, he told her, pulling out a long, wooden stick that would serve as the “tree base”.  He pushed the stick tree into a metal tripod tree stand and began putting the tree together.  Each aluminum tree branch was protected in a brown paper sleeve with just the pompom-ends sticking out like a silver feather duster.  Daddy stuck each branch into a pre-drilled hole in the wooden tree, starting at the top of the tree and working his way to the bottom. 
He opened a second, smaller box and out came a little machine that looked much like a small box fan with a colored screen over the blades – red, green, yellow, and blue plastic.  He plugged the color wheel in and directed it toward the tree.  He told us to close our eyes and he turned off the living room light.
Viola!!  There before us was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  A magnificent, glittering tree changing colors right before our eyes.  Red, green, yellow, blue – SILVER!  Beautiful, stunning. 
There were over 1 million of the aluminum trees sold between 1960 and 1969 – but I’m pretty sure we were about the only family in Senatobia with one in 1963. 
I will never forget my daddy’s face in the light of the tree. Young and handsome, his black hair slicked back with Brylcreem, green eyes shining with adventure, still in his Wonder Bread delivery man’s uniform, he was so excited to bring something new and modern to our home. Always ahead of his time, a pioneer of sorts, he suggested that we put only blue Christmas balls on the tree.  He put up blue lights all around our house and placed a blue, frosted Christmas wreath on the door.
“Why blue?” my mother asked.  “Because it’s not red or green,” he answered.
When members of the Senatobia Garden Club came by to judge for the Best Christmas Decorations contest, my mother pulled the curtains on our living room picture window wide open so that they could see our silver tree in all its glory.  My parents hid just out of sight of the judges, giggling like teenagers on their first date, and watched as car after car came by Camille Street to take a look at the magnificent display. 
My daddy’s decorations won “Best Overall Christmas Theme” that year even though we were not sure what our theme really was.  Daddy sat the little trophy beside our tree and did not move it until he had to make room for Santa’s gifts to his three children. 
Santa certainly had no trouble finding us – I’m sure our house could be seen from heaven.  Gail and I got a Chatty Cathy doll, Easy Bake Oven and an array of Barbie stuff, including Allan, Ken’s new best friend.
After Christmas, we carefully slipped each branch of the aluminum tree back into the paper cylinders and placed everything back into the box.  I believe we used the tree one more year before all of us decided that we wanted to go back to the traditional green tree with its tangle of lights, falling needles and aromatic allergens.  I don’t know what happened to the tree, but every detail of that platinum memory remains etched into my heart.
Pretty much everything I know about life, I learned from my dad. Things like the fact that change is not only inevitable but also vital.  That failure is not the worst thing that can happen to you – not trying is. That being different makes you interesting.  That the saddest four words in life are What Could Have Been.    That being true to yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t strive to do better, be better.  That you have to reach out and grab most good things in life.  That there are no wrong decisions, just different opportunities.  That we should never just follow the same old path, but blaze a new trail.     
After I was grown with a home of my own, I began searching for a silver tree.  They are very difficult to find, especially the large, pompom-ended ones.  A few years ago, my dear friend, Judy Beard, gave me her silver aluminum tree – still in the original box, an exact replica of the 1963 tree of my childhood. 
Each year I carefully take each branch out of its brown protective paper wrapping and place them in the holes on the wooden tree, starting at the top and working my way down.  I turn off the lights, place the vintage color wheel in front of the tree, plug it in. I watch as the silvery glow turns red, then green, yellow and then blue. 
 And, I think of my daddy.  It makes me smile.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Nothing Lasts Forever - Not Even BBFs

     My BBF and I parted ways this week and I am devastated.

     She and I have been best friends for most of my life.  Though thick and thin, she has been by my side to comfort me and make me feel better.  I just cannot imagine my life without her.  But, my dearest friend is going through a mid-life crisis that makes MY mid-life crisis look like a high school senior without a prom date.

     My 52-year-old best bud is now sporting a few tattoos.  A little body art to express herself - a large flower covers her chest, and a tiger curls up her neck. She has teamed up with Japanese designer, Tokidoki, who gave her a whole new look:  pink bob, skull and leopard print top and leggings, sparkly platform shoes and a faithful companion named Bastardin, who looks like a cross between a small dog and a cactus.  Barbie has always been a little edgy, but this is just a little too much.

     When we were younger, I always dreamed of being just like her, with her perfectly bouncy hair, her beautiful blue eyes, her endlessly long legs, Scarlett O-Hara waist, golden Malibu tan, and only-in-my-dreams bosom.  She was always light years ahead of me in style and fashion – wearing the latest designer clothes, driving convertibles, jeeps and even her own airplane. We spent countless hours playing together, growing up together in the 1960’s.

     My mother almost made me stop playing with her in 1967 when she wore the orange teeny bikini - modeled after the one worn by that year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover girl.  She also learned to do the twist that year, showing up at all my friends’ slumber parties with her twistable waist and side pony tail.    Mama called her a hussy.

     In 1971, when I was a clumsy, hormonal preteen, my best friend had her first makeover.  She appeared at my house that Christmas with a sculpted face, snow white capped teeth and sparkling blue eyes that looked right at you (as opposed to looking demurely downward as she always had) – and she had on blue eye make-up – something I had to wait another four years to be able to do.

     In the early 1980’s when I was making minimum wage working as a newspaper reporter for a small town newspaper, she was offered her first acting job.  Donning skin-tight blue jeans and three inch heels, she joined Brooke Shields in declaring that “nothing comes between me and my Calvin’s.”  I could never get my Mississippi backside into a pair of Calvin’s – not then and certainly not now.  But, I loved that she could.

     Modeling was not the only career my best friend has enjoyed.  In fact, she has had l08 jobs – including flight attendant, ballerina, army officer (her uniform was sanctioned by the Pentagon), Olympic swimmer, TV chef, and veterinarian.  Some have called her flighty; I simply thought of her as ambitious.

     Ok, so, Barbie has always been a bit of a trouble maker, but she helped make my simple southern life a bit more exciting.     I stuck with her through her Harley Davidson biker years and her Beach Bikini stint.  I was there for her in 2000 when she had yet another make over, what she called her “millennial makeover” which included a little lipo for a more athletic physique and her first-ever exposed belly button.  I fretted endlessly on Valentine’s Day in 2004 when she broke up with her boyfriend of 47 years.  I was always a little leery of Ken – he was just a little bit too interested in Barbie’s clothes and shoes to suit me. I heard he has moved to Key West where he is raising Highland Terriers and working on his tan.  He just never seemed to get out of the Malibu beach scene years.  

     I admit, growing, ah, mature is not the easiest thing in the world.  The mirror is suddenly not my friend – tiny lines and not-so-tiny wrinkles glare back at me from a face that looks remarkably like my mother.  Sizes that fit me perfectly for years now seem to be tight in some places and loose in others.  I used to be able to skip lunch and lose five pounds – now I could skip food for five days and gain weight.  When I finally went to see a doctor about a severely aching shoulder, he said, “As we get older, our bodies start falling apart and we have aches and pains that we did not have when we were younger.”  The first time he said it, I was a little irritated, but when he repeated it, I almost came off the examination table to snatch his hair out.   
  
     In Nora Ephron's best-selling book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, she laments the sorry state of her 60-something neck: "Our faces are lies and our necks are the truth. You have to cut open a redwood tree to see how old it is, but you wouldn't have to if it had a neck," she writes.

     I agree.  I keep reading all about how women over the age of 40 should strive to “age gracefully.”  That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one – like pretty ugly or clearly confused or same difference or old news or act naturally.   How is a girl supposed to “age gracefully” when her best friend is off getting all tatted up like a floozy?

     I can’t stand it when people say that getting older is great.  That older means wiser and that they look forward to being smarter, mellower.  They yearn to be old enough to understand what is important in life.  Most of those people are young folks with smooth necks.  I’ll take a smooth face, narrow hips and freckle-free hands over wisdom any day.

     I do like what Eleanor Roosevelt had to say about aging -"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art."

     So, I’ll just leave the aging gracefully to those women who choose to do that.  As for me, I’m fighting it, kicking and screaming all the way.  If getting skin art works for my friend, Barbie, and helps keep her young, then more power to her. 

     What I have learned in my 50-something years is that growing, ah, mature, does have its perks.  Like realizing that you can choose who you want to spend your time with.  You really do outgrown people and realize that some relationships are simply toxic and unhealthy.  Choose your circle of friends wisely.  My dad ( absolutely the wisest person I have ever known) told me often “Birds of a feather flock together.”  He was right.  Make sure your birds are the kind that makes you sing.

     Unlike the rest of us, Barbie is forever young.  I just cannot be friends with someone that blond, that tall, that thin, that rich, that fashionable or that hip.  
Instead, I choose to be a work of art and to age with humor just like Eleanor did.  If you can’t beat it, laugh about it.

     And, pile on the night cream.

A Word to the Lady in Walmart About Her Mama

  The wheelchair was rolling slowly down the cosmetic aisle as the pretty older lady looked at the vast array of colorful lipsticks, blushes...